Virginia Satir stated this so beautifully in these words. It calls forth the finest and wisest part of our being. Here are my reflections out of what she’s put here:
To love without attachment is about operating from another’s best interests. It’s a side of love that is noble, compassionate, and empathetic. It is the part of you that knows how to understand another, without requirement, force, or need. It’s the nature of you to grant space to whatever is arising. It’s what’s past the quiet mind you have, down deep, it’s a knowing that you can’t read in books, or be taught, it’s a doorway for you to occupy. “Agape” could characterize this door into love. It suggests to create value for others first, unattached to the returns. To give value just for the joy of expressing it. To show up, and be present to whatever is arising, as if the future needed this moment perfectly as it is.
Suspending judgment is a key capacity to fully listening with an embodied presence with someone else. It involves listening with a full undefended heart. Taking away the filter of judgment is like seeing fully what is there instead of what should be there. To be in the full presence of someone else is offering yourself to them fully, with altruistic listening. Appreciation is the truest communication of “I love you”, which is to say, “thank you for bringing me into who I truly am.” “Thank you for disrupting my programming of the past, and letting me step into the pure awareness I am, the place from which all I have is love for you in this moment of presence.” Whatever decommissions you from channeling grace like this to someone else, is life’s cirriculum, and where leadership journeys begin.
Control and Manipulation
“Invite you without force or demand,” as Satir says. When we force or manipulate others to be other than fully present to us as they really are, we’re operating from shame and fear. We objectify others out of our fear and shame to offset it. But when we forgive ourselves, and become friends with our flaws, and let us be as we are, so too is this generous space given to others to coming into being, as themselves. This is what beholds a “friend.” It is one who loves and lets another come into who they truly are without conditions. It is the greatest gift of ourselves to others…to offer them presence. Don’t give anyone anything to push against, what you disown in you is what you cannot permit in them to bring. Don’t push against yourself, you’re just fine as you are. “Creating” isn’t about you anyway, it’s about your creations. Don’t change anything, you’re just fine as you are, but don’t forget what you have in you, and the love that you are.Amnesia is the problem, don’t forget.
What is the act of helping? Helping another starts with devotion to their aspirations, dangers, opportunities, and strengths. Work from their side of the street, not yours. Insulting them is a form of offsetting your shame, look past it. Know your defects, and don’t force yourself to love you when you don’t in some areas, just acknowledge what’s going on with you. Emotions are your wiring, get intimate with your feelings, be a witness, an observer, see yourself gently from the balcony, see your thoughts as they enter the room, then leave you. When you let go of being pre-occupied with your power, and your needs to feel special and adequate, you’ll give yourself to others in ways they need you most. They’ll receive you with pure eyes and heart. And your deepest desires won’t be small, they’ll be big, in the fullness of your heart, and altrustic as you were made to be.
The word relationship is “re-elation”, meaning a repeating of elation. What does one bring to that process and what occupies their animation and action into it? From which source does their attention arise? We were made to belong, it’s our nature. If our quality of awareness is at it’s highest, the head gives way to the heart, and within the heart opens the soul. A fearless, tender-hearted bravery gives way to soul service, understanding others with a soft-spot for compassion, kindness, and generosity. We are homo-sapiens, meaning “ones who know.” We know from a place that is beyond automatic thought, we drive ourselves from what is not yet embodied when listening quietly from within. Elation finds us there, it awaits others standing in need of us, it is the whole around us igniting the flame in our hearts, we just have to trust it, surrender, and be vulnverable, to connect to the places of potential. We’re meant to create together out of this ephemeral connection.
The place of elation we tap is like the sprouting seed of arousal by offering, giving with devotion, service, and support, but only until one knows his shadows, doubts his programming enough, only then, can he or she stand in the presence of all they are, and move from there, to better another human being. “Well-Being” isn’t a solo process, it’s a state of being brought by the linking with others. It is the eco-awareness not the ego-awareness that we act from. Eco means “house.” What house are you living in? Your hereditary one, or a different one. Maybe it’s time for the new one to occupy your creative fire. Maybe you’ve got bigger business ahead of you than risky business living in your heritary emotional house still. Perhaps that old house needs to burn to the ground, and give rise to something emerging from the ash.
We come into being by seeing purely in the heart, standing still, and loyally and obediently creating out of the vast space we give life to move as it wants to. We begin with nothing to see from, just pure presence. There we can awaken out of the energy of the mystery of life, laying the path down as we walk on it with our deepest intention for the greater good in all beings. There we join what matters to us, what has meaning, and occupy ourselves from this place.
Help others bring you into your finest quality of expression. See the divinity in them. The world isn’t full of lack, it isn’t out to get you. If you see it full of lack and trespasses, you’ll come into that space retaliatory. Just picture how you’ll experience what comes if you bring that into the moment. Let go. Tell yourself this isn’t true. Make room in yourself. It’s just a blinding worldview you wear to be ok; to survive, but it’s lie.
Stand still, your best is yet to come. Trust it. If you’re afraid know it, if your cynical, know it, if you’re judgmental, get to know it, but don’t get caught. See you’re own seeing. Just be still. You’ll see heart and meaning in what you see. If you let the world change you, get past your walls of protection, you’ll come home to what is calling you from distant shores. You’ll step into it, and operate from that place. Start here.
This is the Moment
Moment means “movement”, life is on the go, nothing stays the same. In fact, everything the future needs is being given to you in this moment, what are you creating from it? What is wanting to emerge? Listen generatively. Just relax, slow down to go fast. Stay long enough, it’ll all make sense, and play out as you listen.
May all beings know happiness. May all beings have compassion on one another. May all beings live forward into the mystery with courage, and openness, as the whole resting in them is embodied through true presence. Give all we’ve been given; offering peace to those who encompass you.